mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
my being single is dangerous.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Randomize
