Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
if only i could text you this smell
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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