He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
