Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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