is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
oh god the rape fog is back!
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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