Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
