Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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