Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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