I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
