Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
