...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
