and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Randomize
