1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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