chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
