Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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