Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
