You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize