don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
