Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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