Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
