I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
