I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
