Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
