you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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