do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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