I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Randomize
