i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
