Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
