I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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