my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
