oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
