U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
