my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
