The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
