im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize