tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
the liver wants what the liver wants
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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