Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
