Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
