see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
