sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Randomize
