I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
