Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
So much Jack, so little girl.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize