I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
