Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
