This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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