We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
