you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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