$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
