Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
