Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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