and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
