I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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