I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
