i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
My penis needs a shock collar
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
