I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I CAN MOONWALK!
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize
