dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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