that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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