Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
