i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
