Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
