last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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