Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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