"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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