i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
