Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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