Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
