life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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