I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i would punch a child for taco bell
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
