yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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