I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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