Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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