i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
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